Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me inform you about this superb lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No marvel I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Great Big Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives through the years. She volunteered on the Council on Getting older. She usually drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the outdated individuals” (as she known as it), which she did nicely into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I’d swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, usually distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having recognized her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”
Happily, I stumbled upon an historical Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my latest visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how usually we do one thing or see anyone, it’s the solely time that it’s going to really occur this fashion, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As a substitute of checking our telephones, we will give attention to the particular person or activity in entrance of us.
- As a substitute of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we might be right here now.
- As a substitute of going by the motions, we could be a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.
I’ve mirrored loads on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.
I ended worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat along with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I’d get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I discovered that she spent just a few summers residing in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their dwelling along with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she liked it.
She informed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and acquired caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her mother and father mattress till the solar got here up.
I discovered extra about my grandfather. She even shared photographs of her marriage ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some photographs of me and her from manner again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I most likely had prior to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Group
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of visitors would present as much as test on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her greatest good friend. Her good friend Anne. Mates from the Council of Getting older. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the identical time, and it was an absolute get together.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life nicely lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every thing to return and spend time along with her, swapping tales and maintaining her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has a fantastic humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then informed me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automobile, regardless that she didn’t have a license but, to drive by the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the telephone along with her 94 yr outdated brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you outdated geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher right this moment?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and the entire individuals from completely different elements of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continuously moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional dwelling by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Dwell Intentionally
The hospital through which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his guide Walden.
In the future, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by the bushes.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to reside intentionally, to entrance solely the important information of life, and see if I couldn’t be taught what it needed to educate, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most necessary to him.
Gramma went the opposite route, prioritizing what’s most necessary to her: household, buddies, and group.
Two completely different eventualities, the identical finish end result:
Selecting to reside intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and residing merely, however I do suppose I’ve achieved my greatest to reside extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most necessary to me too: buddies, household, and group.
All We’ve to Resolve…
A couple of years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we will get pleasure from this second collectively.”
She took the time to elucidate the which means behind every quilt and why they had been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, moderately than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
Once I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means acquired to inform him simply how a lot I discovered from him earlier than he died.
For that purpose, I’m scripting this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to be taught from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I acquired a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and she or he liked it. Mission completed!)
I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again dwelling. In any case, she informed her good friend Laurie “I’m not achieved but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we now have to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to reside extra intentionally:
- For those who’re prepared to place your telephone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- For those who’re prepared to prioritize what’s truly necessary as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go incorrect with the alternatives you make.
- If you will discover a solution to give attention to the necessary individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it while you’re 94.
And at last keep in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do right this moment, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you need a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely advocate Wim Wenders’s Perfect Days.
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